Dossie Easton (born February 26, 1944) is an American sex educator, psychotherapist, and author noted for her pioneering work on ethical non-monogamy, BDSM, and sex-positive therapy. Through her writing and teaching, she helped popularize the concepts of consent, communication, and emotional awareness in alternative sexual communities.
Dossie Easton is a pioneering sex educator and therapist whose work foregrounded emotional literacy as a learned skill, not a personality trait. At a time when kink and non-monogamy were often framed as purely behavioral or transgressive, Easton insisted that attachment, jealousy, boundary-setting, and accountability deserved the same rigor as physical safety.
Her teaching emphasized:
- Jealousy as information, not failure
- Communication as practice, not instinct
- Consent as ongoing dialogue, not a single agreement
- Self-knowledge as the root of ethical intimacy
Key facts
- Full name: Dorothy “Dossie” Easton
- Occupation: Author, psychotherapist, sex educator
- Major works: The Ethical Slut, The New Bottoming Book, The New Topping Book
- Collaborator: Janet W. Hardy
Easton’s workshops and writings helped normalize the idea that relationship competence can be taught, a concept now central to modern kink education and peer mentorship models.
Career and writing
Easton’s career began in the early 1970s when she joined San Francisco Sex Information, a collective dedicated to accurate and inclusive sex education. Her clinical work as a licensed marriage and family therapist has focused on clients exploring BDSM, queer identity, and polyamorous relationships. In 1997 she co-authored The Ethical Slut with Janet W. Hardy, a landmark guide that reframed polyamory as a valid and ethical form of love and intimacy. The book’s multiple editions have influenced relationship culture worldwide.
Her later publications, including The New Bottoming Book, The New Topping Book, When Someone You Love Is Kinky, and Radical Ecstasy: S/M Journeys to Transcendence, integrate psychological insight, spirituality, and practical tools for consensual power exchange and sexual authenticity.
Influence and philosophy
Easton is a central figure in the sex-positive movement. Her teachings emphasize negotiation, self-knowledge, and compassion as foundations of sexual ethics. She advocates for destigmatizing kink and polyamory, arguing that erotic expression can be a path to personal growth and healing. Through workshops and events such as “Navigating Consent,” she has worked to strengthen community accountability around consent and repair after boundary violations.
Personal life and legacy
A long-time resident of California’s Bay Area, Easton identifies as queer and polyamorous. She has been active in feminist and leather communities since the 1960s, blending psychotherapy with activism. Her influence extends across academic, therapeutic, and grassroots settings, making her one of the most cited voices in modern sex-positive and polyamory discourse.
Landmark Collaborative Works (with Janet W. Hardy)
The Ethical Slut
Perhaps their most widely known collaboration, The Ethical Slut reframed non-monogamy not as excess or lack of commitment, but as a practice rooted in honesty, consent, and care. The book introduced generations to:
- Explicit agreements
- Transparent communication
- Emotional accountability
- Sexual autonomy paired with responsibility
It remains a cornerstone text in relationship education worldwide.
The Ties That Bind
This work addressed the psychological and emotional architecture of BDSM relationships, offering one of the earliest comprehensive frameworks for:
- Power exchange dynamics
- Negotiation and renegotiation
- Trauma awareness
- Aftercare and repair
For Leather and kink communities, it provided language that validated both intensity and tenderness, reinforcing that structure and care are not opposites.
Enduring Legacy in Leather & Kink Communities
Easton and Hardy’s contributions helped establish what many now take for granted:
- Consent as continuous and informed
- Relationships as skill-based systems
- Power exchange as ethical when negotiated and accountable
- Emotional labor as shared responsibility
Their work quietly underpins modern protocols, mentorship conversations, and educational tracks—even when not explicitly cited.
In Old Guard terms, they are bridge-builders: not dictating tradition, but giving communities the tools to govern themselves with integrity.
Sentinel Reflection
Where some elders taught what to do, Easton and Hardy taught how to think, speak, and repair. Their texts endure not because they prescribe rules, but because they cultivate competence, agency, and ethical restraint—the marks of a culture meant to last.